"not all that..."

"the spiritual sense of truth
must be gained,
before Truth can be understood."
Mary Baker Eddy


"i can't believe you said
that," she laughs
nervously, as we walk
across the
lobby

"do you realize that by
telling your story,
you
just admitted to everyone
in the
room that you
are not "all that"
and maybe
even less

i nod silently,
almost inperceptibly,
with
a small fire
beginning to
spread from
somewhere so deep in
my being
it could only
be from
the embers of
an unsought
grace

i know
i say

but it's my truth...

i am not "all that"

and i know it
and you know it
and now,
they know it.

don't you care,
she asks

oh yes, i care
I care very, very
much...

finally

i care
that they know
this truth...my truth

that
i am
not
"all that"

but i am something,
I am
honest
and that is more
wonderful, than being
"all that"

it is freedom,
it is peace
it is liberty
and
beauty
and
joy
and
it is mine...

it is my truth and
since Truth is God,
and God is my only
Cause and Creator, 
whatever i am,

"all that"...or not...

a rare heart-shaped
stone,
or a jagged
chip off the old Rock,

it is all I can be,
it is what i am,
today...
according to His
purpose,
a holy "why"
a sacred reason,
a spiritual calling...

perhaps I have been
sent by Him
to be
just this:

"not all that"

so, that said,
i am leaving me in His
hands,
trusting me to His keeping,
surrendering my
story to His telling,
without any interpretation,
pure, clear, transparent.
free of interpolation...

if I am supposed to be
different,
He will let me know

but for now,
this is my truth,
and since I am spiritual
it must be His Truth too...

I'm
His...

and that's all
i need to be

and trust me,
that
is always more wonderful,
more special,
than
being

"all that"