Something fragile...

Please
don't...

at least
not quite
yet

I am afraid
that
I might shatter
if you
come too close.

It might seem
to you
as if
I must make
all the moves,
decide when,
and how
I will let you
in.

I know I am
confusing...

but it is
not what you
think

It is not
because I
do not
enjoy your
company,
your laughter,
your friendship...

No, you are
wonderful...

It is because
I worry that
there are fissures
in me.

Almost
imperceptible
hairline
fractures that
I've
tried to
repair...

with
ribbons of
silken
words and
marbled
sealing wax..
.
but
I am
still afraid
that they
are
there,
just
below the
delicate
bluebird's egg
surface...


a crème
brulee layer of
fragile
sweetness.

I know
it seems as if
life always
has to
be on
my
terms...

as if I
want to
have
control,
be in
charge...

but
that is
not
the case....

I only hope
that I
can
protect you
from
finding
your
hands
filled with
broken
glass...

the shards
of
something
I once
loved, and
pray
will
be
strong
again....

soon.