"a reckless generosity..."

"God
doesn't want
your careful virtue,
He wants
your reckless generosity.”

- f. spufford


i walked
this world so
carefully

every i
dotted

every t
crossed

every moment of my
living
wrapped in
white linen
and tied
with a
bow

carefully,
oh so
carefully,
I navigated the
darkness,
traversed the
chasm,
found my way from
"i don't know"
to
self-certainty
with the deftness of
a sherpa

each footstep placed
with precision,
each fingerpost
adroitly
found

my focus on the
goal,
the summit,
the celebration at the
top

to reach the
moment of having
done it all
just
right

those carefully plotted moments,
a series of well-planned
moves that led
to...
what

checkmate?

but this is not
a game of
winners and losers,
of haves and have nots,
of wanting and getting,
of trying too hard
or not hard enough
to be
something we
think is
good,
better,
best

it is not a competition,
an accomplishment,
an outcome,
or something to
conquer and
possess

this is a journey,
a conversation,
a mission,
a purpose,
a shared vision
unfolding out from
the beating of
hearts,
the cry of the
collective

this is not a
solo performance
but a choir of angels
A convergence of
voices,
the raising of roofs,
the lifting of spirits,
the filling of bellies
the healing of
hearts

a divine imperative
to reach out from the
center and
find there is no circumference
no mine and yours,
no ours and theirs --
just the reckless flow of
love
a flood of generosity
that spills our banks
and carves new
contours on the
landscape of our
souls

there is nothing careful
about
virtue

virtue is a force,
a power,
a rushing,
reckless
dance towards
one another

the skipping of
a heartbeat,
the headlong act of
giving your last
farthing,
flinging yourself
from the summit of self-absorption
into the
abyss of
grace

and from this
flailing,
trusting
place of open arms
and willing hands,
I see that once-sought
summit
clearly
and
I
know that
this
is where
I belong

falling
falling

to my knees

for Him
and for
His...



"“O my God,
teach me to be generous,
to serve You
as you deserve to be served,
to give without counting the cost,
to fight without fear of being wounded,
to work without seeking rest,
and to spend myself
without expecting any reward
but the knowledge
that I am
doing your holy will.
Amen”

~ Ignatius of Loyola