"the scent of water..."

"there is hope of a tree,
if it be cut down,
that it will sprout again,
and that the tender branch thereof
will not cease...."
- Job

just when I
thought I'd given myself
permission
to walk away from
my barren hopes,
ungraspable dreams,
my aching, longing, yearning
for
something I couldn't even
fully imagine...

but felt

felt
deeply

felt,
like a yawning
space
in the
deepest part of me

a pulling
a calling

a thirst...

yes,
that is how it
feels

a parched want,
the desert of my longings,
a thirst for
what I think is
living water,
but can't help thinking
is just an illusive taunting,
a shimmering mirage
in the distance...


but I feel its pull,
i know its perfume...

it is
a wellspring
that
quenches all
the
emptiness I once tried
to avoid...

that was until
I couldn't

until I
realized that

it was the thirst
itself
I
wanted
more than
the stranger's
goatskin,
or the oasis
from
all longing

yes,
it was the thirst

to know that I
am that space
in
which the puzzle piece fits perfectly,
I am
the aching
breasts that
flow at the sound of an
infant's cry,
the toddler's incessant
questioning,
always
wanting
something more...

why,
why,
but...why...

it is a perfume so
delicate and
sweet that
it
pulls my
heart to remember
what
I thought I'd
turned from
forever....

I want

to feel this thirst
is to be alive

it is
the blind man's
demand for
"my sight,"
when he has never
seen,

the slave's
ache for a freedom
his ancestors only dreamed of,

it is a vision
I cannot see,
a something that
I cannot even
imagine, but know I can
no longer live without...

it is
a love for the
thirst itself...

the thirst that
pulls me,
draws me,
calls me
to the
spring,
taunts me to come closer to
the river's edge,
the trickling,
seeping,
wetness
between the rocks

to seek
the
source, the
place of
its
springing

where

I see
the face of
God
reflected
in
a tiny
drop of
stillness

and something in me
burst into
awakening

I feel it
in my soul,

this thirst

for the scent of
water,

the gift of
longing

called
grace...

"...through the scent of water
it will bud,
and bring forth boughs...."
- Job


[photo credit: Ashley Bay 2012]