Wednesday, April 25, 2012

"on the day you were born..."



““A mother's body
remembers her babies.... ”
― B. Kingsolver

ask me what
happened on the day
you were born

and I will not be able
to tell you
all the things
that only
she can recall

i do not have memories of
water breaking or
waves of labor...

and
for these things that
are hers alone
to
tell you of,
I am
infinitely grateful

but I can tell you
that my heart broke open
wide and swallowed
the selfishness of
my life before you...

I can tell you of confused tears...
sorrow for her pain,
joy to see your face, to hold your
tiny fingers in my own,
the agony of watching her
be brave,
the heartache in your
cries
as her voice
became
your
fondest
memory,
but
not
the
sound
you
would
wake
to
each morning,
or hear
at the
close
of
every
day...

i can tell you how the sun
looked coming through the
hospital window
that morning when they
brought you to her
bedside

i can tell you how her eyes
watched your chest rising and falling
with each small breath, and
how many tears fell
before she
realized,
and wiped
them away
hoping we hadn't seen...

seven,
there were
seven

i can tell you how
my knees buckled with love
the first moment i
looked down into your face,
and then your sisters

and it was
like falling in love
over,
and over,
and over again

in waves of
joy and sorrow
ebbing and fading
like
a sea that
can't remember what to leave
upon the beach
and what to take away

I can tell you that your
eyes were the
color of water, that
your hair felt like spun silk
and your fingernails were as small
as the tiny moonshells
we'd find
on a nearby beach when you
were five and
we went back to
that place
near the sea where you
were born
and
she held
you
once again
and
taught you
all about
summer,
and beach glass,
and
growing up
near the
sea

i can't tell you of
how it felt to have you move
beneath my hands,
beneath my shirt,
beneath my skin...but she
can

I can tell you
that I am grateful every day
for the gift that
is you...

and
I can tell her that I will never be
able to say all that is
in my heart
about what it has meant to
be your mom...

with her...

sharing you
was the greatest gift
anyone
has
ever
given me...

or ever will...

i love you

all
three
of
you...

because, you see,
on the day you were born...
she
joined our family
forever,
too...

"A child
is your own
best food forward"
― B. Kingsolver

[photo and inspiration by friend...and remarkable artist...jacqueline Janecke]

No comments:

Post a Comment