"what is it you plan to do..."

"Tell me,
what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”
- M. Oliver

so where
will you go
when you have this
imagined
freedom,
those elusive resources,
that opportunity...

the
"if only..."

whatever
you believe
you
have been
waiting for?

who do
you think you
will be?

where will you go...

what spot
on the
map of your
dreaming
will you
be free to
slip
away
to?

will it be the place you have
imagined
for so long...

so long
that the once-freshly painted
and squarely-hung shutters are
dripping from the
peeling clapboards,
and
the porch
steps sagging against the
crumbling foundation of
your
dreams

where will you go,
and who
will you be
once
you
get
"there"

and
with
all your
wishing,
your getting,
your
finally...at lasts

will
you have
lost the ones
who could
have joined you in the dance...

will they
have
left the room
while you
stared out the window
gazing into the far off
distance
of "someday when"


would they still be
with you,

if only you
hadn't been
hiding behind the gray
veil of
your wanting,
the dark clouds of
your despair over
what you did not
get to be,
where you did not get to live,
who you think
did
not love
you
quite
enough,

when
"if only"
occupies more space
than the
children you
could
have played with,
the sunrises you would have
greeted,
the laughter you
might have
shared...

where will you be when this freedom
finally comes?

will you
be wishing
you could
return to that
time
before
regret

return
to bygone days
when your
babies' hands were pudgy, and
sticky with
the sweetness of
summer days,
and popsicles
dripping from
soft,
dimpled elbows,

pink cheeks stained with
the sun's kisses...

will
you wish you could
return to
the nights when
dreaming
wasn't an escape from
what you
thought you did not
have...

perhaps it
is time to ask
a different
question:

what will you do with
the freedom
you
have
to
live
fully,
today...

"“I wish
I could freeze this moment,
right here,
right now,
and live in it forever.”
― S. Collins