"when he prayed for his friends..."

“And the Lord
turned the captivity of Job,
when he prayed for his friends...”
- Job


hunched in the
dust of
barrenness,
of all that
my life has
become,
I am bowed with
despair,
covered in boils. and
steeped in
confusion...

"what have you
done..."
they ask

these friends who
think if
only I confess,
repent, and
reform
all will be well...

"oh no..."
they cluck in
sympathy,
offering yet another lens on
how I might see
myself,
victim of
circumstance,
gripped by
the random hand of
fate,
hanging in
a schism,
a breach in divine order
the scapegoat of
chance...

but I have done
nothing
and I know it...

and my God has not forsaken me

and I
know it...

but what of this sorrow,
the loss,
empty arms,
stolen dreams,
battered
hopes....

i start to wonder,
what have I done,
where did I go wrong,
is there something I allowed to
enter my thought,
invade my peace...

when did I let my
guard down,
fall asleep at the door of
self-preservation...

No!! says Elihu.

God is God...

He loves you,
He has not changed...

and immediately,
I know he is right
this youngest
one.

God is my Father-Mother,
He does love me,
but, I am not special,
She loves us all
none are more specially cared for
than another

or specially neglected...

I will not let this
pain and sorrow
distract me from the power of
His presence...
right here,
right now...

Look, I can think, consider,
appreciate...He is present as
Mind.

I can see that my friends have been
as honest with me,
as they knew how to
be...God is here as Truth.

I can still cherish the memory of
my children...She is present
as Love.

In the midst of this agony, I am
still aware of the inky beauty of a
starry night, the
delicate flower, the warm
wind...He is present as Soul.

Oh, look...
do you see the brick-by-brick
order of my neighbor's
sun-drenched wall,
the rising and falling of
my breathing?
He is present as Principle...

the winds of inspiration lift my heart
above the heat of anger...
He is present as Sprit

Nothing can touch my joy in whatching
the
leaping of new lambs,
the fierce care of their mother...
God is present as Life.

my friends, my friends...oh how I
love them...in their desire to
find answers,
to bring me relief,
to raise me from this pit of
woe...they do their best,
their
love for me is more precious than
gold, more wonderful than
youth, more
to be delighted in than
palaces and
chariots...

They embody His care,
they embolden my desires,
and in their innocence they look
for answers in the
wind...

thank you God for the
blessing of
my friends...I love them...
You have
preserved my
ability to
love them...

even
in the midst
of all this pain,
i love them still...

I can love,
I am whole...

"I had heard of thee
by the hearing of the ear..."

in the prophets speaking,
in the noble Rabbi's song,
in the stories of
pilgrims...

"...but now mine eye
seeth thee."

oh my God,
there is none but Thee.

I am bowed with awe,
I weep in reverence
at the wonder of Your
hands...the
beauty of Your
creating - this fathomless,
indestructible,
undeniable
love within my heart...
and theirs

thank You...

"and the Lord turned the
captivity of Job,
when he prayed for his
friends..."