"Just remember, you're on belay..."

"Okay," he said,
"remember,
you're on belay.
You can't fall.
Really...I promise,
you can't fall."

I look down at the
steel cable
attached to somewhere near
a spot
where an
umbilical cord once
held
me close
to
love's
care.

He yanks on the
cable...
thinking that by doing so,
I will feel more
securely
attached to what
he promises
will
not let me fall.

I step up
on to the log that
rises at an angle from the
ground in front of me
and
step-by-step
I
climb into
a canopy of
pine trees
high
above terra
firma and
into the
clear blue
Colorado sky...

"look ma, no hands,"
I nervously
banter

but I am not laughing
and soon I
am weeping...
uncontrollably.

Arms wrapped around the
tree trunk at the first
station
I am paralyzed with
fear.

The ground is too far away,
the rest of the
course stretches out like
a labyrinth snaking through pine trees
and over the heads of
the young counselors who
urge me on with encouragement and
inspiration.

They remind me..."you cannot fall,
you are belayed in,
the steel cable attached to your
harness is secure..."

but I forget

over and over again,
clinging to the tree trunk
that anchors the small
platform at the
end of each element,
I weep
certain I cannot
go on.

but I do

I step out on a horizontal
rope ladder,
a pair of double strung steel cables,
a log that stretches from one station to
another with nothing to hold on to...
and I cry.

They remind me
that
I am safe
and still,
I forget..

"You are attached.
you will not fall,
children do this all the time, 
you can step off the log and
you will just dangle in the air,
your belay is secure..."
they coo with gentle, kind
love-filled voices.

and still I forget

until I reach the last
element
a zipline
that stretches from
high in the trees
to the ground far
below.

"fling yourself 
backward from the platform
and fly,"
she says

I haven't had one moment of
fun this whole
afternoon...
but I say, "what the heck"
and without looking
where I am going...
my back to the
destination...
I am flung
backwards
and I
fly

and finally
I remember
I am
attached,
I am belayed in,
I am secure,
and
it
is
fun...

why do I
always
forget

"Hey,"
they ask at dinner,
"did you do the
leap of faith?"

"Did I?"

"Ummm, no..."

This time I will have
fun...

I will not forget that
I am secure
on belay
attached...

I will remember

and I do

and I fling myself
off the platform
face first
and  it is fun. 

How often
do we forget
what every bird,
every tiny fledgling
must know...
that
we are always,
spiritually...in unseen
ways... 
on belay

that we
can
fearlessly
step off
the
branch,
fly,
and
have
fun.