"Anything but this..."

"Now there stood
by the cross of Jesus
his mother...”
― John


please,
anything but this

take me
take my body
burn it,
quarter it and send it to
the four corners of the earth...

but please
not his....

i love him
i know him
i have believed in him
since before

before the cheers of
adoration

before the baptism and
annointing

before the rabbis and
lawyers thought
he was
bright,
inspired,
wiser than his
years...

before
his papa trusted him with
hammer and nails,

before he learned to speak
or walk
or even recognize my face...

before
he was in my womb
I believed

but,
I cannot do this

I cannot watch him
in pain and
do nothing

then don't
"do nothing"

he needs you

he needs you
to

see him
forward just as you did
when he moved from
your womb along a river of
water and
wine
towards a waiting purpose,
a waiting world....

see him unfurl from the
tight fetal curling
of single chapter...
thirty years that could have,
should have,
"dear God, please can't it be" more...
into the sweet freedom
of eternity,
immortality,
the infinity of Life...

lead him forward with your
eyes

eyes so filled with
that very "believing"

that spiritual understanding
which
trusted your boy to be
My promise of salvation,

fix your gaze on the
realities supernal...

he was never
only
this...and he will
always, never be that...

he is more,
so much more...

you know this,
you believe this
you watched his birth into this
chapter...
a birth that looked
no less
filled with uncertainty
and darkness,
the shaking,
breaking,
shattering of the old
womb...

you are his mother
you can
do this...

let him see your eyes,
let him know your trust in My
power to care for him...

let him feel your
belief in him

you can do this

in fact,
only you
can do
this....

just as
only you
could bring him
here...

your heart
has been prepared...

for beholding his transformation

idea into child,
boy into sage,
water into wine,
carpenter into healer,
Messiah hopes into
impartial and universal Love...

broken to whole...

wholly spiritual
wholly Mine...

wholly yours...

you can do this

even this...

open your eyes,
now
let him see that
you trust Me
to be his Father
and carry him
through
even this...

"Be it unto me,
according to Thy will...”
― Mary

"The illumination of Mary's
spiritual sense put to silence
material law and its order of generation,
and brought forth her child
by the revelation of Truth,
demonstrating God as the Father of men.”
― Mary Baker Eddy


Samuel Barber's "Adagio for Strings"  always reminds me of this moment...