"i tell myself a story..."

i tell myself a story
of "why," and
then believe that
it is the reason I cannot
live my dreams
my hopes,
my "yes, I cans....

as if I were a
gullible,
silly
someone who
couldn't ask
myself
that most important question:

"is this really true"

but this story
I tell myself
of
why I cannot be all that
I have dreams of
being...
is not true

it is not even mine,
it is not the truth of who
i am, or what has
contributed to where
I have landed,

or what I might become...

it is just a story,
a fairy tale,
a myth...

and
if the first chapter
doesn't start with:

"In the beginning God..."

it is not my Truth,
it is not what defines my
past,
my present,
or my future....

it is fiction...

plain and simple

it is fiction
it is not my biography
it is not my true life story
it is make believe,
a fabrication,
a lie...

my only truth is based
on the Truth

the Truth
about my relationship
with God

this
is
all
that
defines
me

period

sure,
i can lie here in the dark
and weave a story
full of intersting details,
wide-ranging plot lines,
beautiful settings,
fascinating characters,
chapters that build towards a
climatic revelation,
and strive
to connect all the dots

but it's still just a
story

or:

I can rest upon
the Truth,
the one and only Truth,
that God is the one and only Author,
Cause and
Creator,
of my true story.

I can rest on the fact
that,
as Mind,
He thinks me
fresh and new
every moment,

my only story
is the one
that He is writing,
moment-by-moment...

It might not read well,
it might seem boring or have
an under-developed plot

it may seem messy
and tangential

but
it is the only one I
want to live in
anymore.

the rest is fiction...

and I don't have time
for fiction

I don't
have time for sitting
in a darkened room watching
what is only imagined,
when
Life is
unfolding
its beauty in every
direction --
right
in front of me.

Life is
alive,
real...sometimes
a bit smudged and
disheveled,
but true

a story
that unfolds,
according to
His
will...

my only truth

the only story
of who I
am, and
the Source of
my
desires,
my purpose,
my promise...

His will.