"Poured out like water..."

"I am
poured out
like water;
my bones are out of joint:
my heart
is like wax"
~David

in the heat of
His love
ice melts from the
brittle edges of my cold, hard
heart --
sharp with regret,
remorse,
despair...

pride drips like water
off the places where I thought I was the king,
the master of my own universe,
chosen before my birth, 

privilege and impropriety
seemed
the salary of a bygone courage,
crowned by prophet,
opposed by none...

like an icicle at midday 
it drips with
questions...

what was I thinking,
why,
why,
why...

but here I stand
soul-shattered and weak in the knees,
collapsed before Him
begging for a mercy
not deserved...and
yet, neither was the crown
I wore with early honor

But it is in His arms I have
learned to be a
father,
not how to be a king

I have discovered that He is not a divine
employer --
meting out a salary
earned,
a bonus negotiated,
the promised reward,
perks for a "job well done"
 
but a Father who loves me

all He desires 
is my heart...and my heart alone.

A softened heart...

melted 
first, 
in  the the furnace of my own
stoking,
then tempered
made flawless
by the heat of His persistent mercy


till what remains is
an unearned
unwarranted,
undeserved
grace.

New in His eyes,
and yours.

My son, my son...
He has not forsaken me
His son...

He has taught me
well...

so that you
may be
His servant...

an
understanding king.


"the substance
of a diligent man
is precious..."
~ Solomon (his son)