"a Phoenix fledgling..."

"A great sanity,
a mighty something
buried in the depths of the unseen,
has wrought a resurrection
among you,
and has leapt into living love.

What is this something,
this phoenix fire,
this pillar by day,
kindling,
guiding,
and guarding
your way?"
- Mary Baker Eddy



I am a
nestling,
a Phoenix,
a sweet
something
emerging,
emerging,
emerging...
never born
and never dying

only self-immolation
and resurrection

self-immolation
and resurrection

self-immolation and
resurrection,
resurrection,
resurrection...

over, and over,
and over
again...
and again..

but, I am ready.

Sometimes it is the
heart that burns,
white hot and
fervent...
smiling,
eager for the resurrection

and sometimes
it is the body...

the body of selfish desires,
the body of spectred dreams,
the body of wants and woes,
sorrows and imaginings

I am not afraid
of the
immolation
bring it on...

but
I
refuse to
live in the vestibule of
in between,
the space
where the ego
still stands
pained
by the
letting go

I welcome the
Phoenix fire,
let it burn
thoroughly,
fervently,
hot and
scrupulously --
an
all-consuming
incineration of
whatever would
keep me from
loving without reason,
unconditionally,
and with abandon


Let its flames engulf
the me,
the my,
the mine
of
success...
and failure,


of what I think I've earned...
and what I'll
never be...


let the veneer,
the scarred paint,
the flash of self
blister and
peel
in the
heat of unselfed
loving...

I am weary of
carrying around
the
not quite
incinerated ashes
of resistance,
the almost immolated shards
of sharpness and arrogance,
the pulverized
still peppered
with bits of bone
and broken incisors,
the bitter fragments of
all
that once
gnashed and gnawed
at the details of
who's to blame,
of he said/she said,
of human choices made,
and what went wrong...

a limboed
state of
regret and pride,
of what we wanted, 
or
what could have been...

I want

no, more! 

I long for,
I ache to know
the
complete
dissolution of
the veiled ego,
the clouded past,
the "what never was"
and is 
no
longer,
and really
shouldn't be...

I can do this,
I know I can

I can walk so fully into the
fire
that there is nothing
left
to carry back out
but the gold,
the silver, 
the whatever is essential, 
eternal, 
what lives beyond and 
never dies

no rust...
no dross...
no smell of fire...
just a sweet nestling me
as pure
as the
"form of the fourth"*

There is no flickering ember of
the past's tinseled
moments of selfish
indulgence and accomplishment,
the genetic grime
of dark alleys
filled with ghosts 
and
sorrows waiting
to pull me down,
down,
down,
and yet
still further
down....

no bits and pieces of
another time,
a former me,
a maybe him,
or "what if her"
left to cling 
to new
downy feathers,
soft and wet
as we
emerge from the
clean, white
ash of
this
God-stoked
Phoenix
pyre.

Just dust and
ash...
fine as silt
to soften the journey
like a powdery
Colorado
snowfall...
just a dusting,
quickly blown away by
Spirit --
Pneuma's 
fresh winds of
I am --
now,
always
now.

yes,
I am!

I am
innocent,
pure,
good,
willing,
open,
eager,
unsullied,
sweet,
gentle,
kind,
new


I am
the I AM
that never was a
"was"
and seeks no promise
of
who
she
will be.
But sings the
sweet silver
song of
I am,
I am,
I am,
I am
all that
the
I AM
that
is
today, 
right now, 
in this moment
of grace...

"here am I, 
send me..."




"It is unity,
the bond of perfectness,
the thousandfold expansion
that will engirdle the world,
— unity,
which unfolds the thought
most within us
into the greater
and better,
the sum of all reality
and good."

~ ibid.