A mother's failings..."

"Blessed are they which do
hunger and thirst after righteousness...."
~ Matthew

yes,
I am your mother...

but,
I will
fail you,
disappoint you,
let you down...

not willingly,
or with intention,
yet still...

I will leave you
reaching,
grasping,
stretching...
hungering and thirsting for
a love that is
even deeper
and more
reliable than
I could ever,
in all my
frail humanness,
even hope
to be...

no matter
how hard I try,
or how
many
tears of regret
I
shed,
on bended knee,
or
curled in on
my
self-questioning

I will never be
All,
in
all,
to
you

but,
I do believe that
this is my
job.

to not be enough,

I am here
to disappoint you,
to fail miserably
at being
all that
you once thought I
could have
been...

do you
remember those days

when
you were so
small and
I seemed so wise and strong?

when it
seemed possible
that I might be
able to
be
all that
I
really
wanted to
be
for you...but
couldn't

I now know
that
it was my job to be
"not enough"

to
give you
just a taste
of
the real thing,
the genuine,
authentic,
unparallelled
kind of
love
only She
can
deliver on...

a love
that knows no reason,
a love
that heeds no bounds...

I was sent
for a holy purpose...

to let you feel the weight of
a tear upon your
wounds,
to know the fierceness of
a love
that will
stare down a tiger
and send
it cowering
into
a corner
away from
you

that was my job
to give you just a taste...
but for
it to
never be enough...

I
was not,
nor will I
ever be,
the
real deal...

do
you
remember when I
failed to have all the answers,
prevent a heart break,
silence your
tears

my love
was only a hint
a glimmer,
a glimpse
of what you
would soon learn,
that
you can not live
without

I was only a whisper of the Voice you
would always long for
in the
"dark night
of you
soul."

but
I would never
ever
be enough to
sate that hunger,
quench that thirst,
to answer that deepest
of calls
for
something
more

I wasn't meant
to be...

It was my
calling
to leave you wanting,
hungry,
unable to
be satisfied with less than all
of what you somehow
knew real Love
must be...

a love without condition,
reason, or
rhyme,

a certain Something
even deeper than
the love of a parent for her babe,
the love of a lioness for her cub

and
I hope
you
never
forget
that
I was
always
just a hint of
the love
you
really
needed

the love
that
God
feels
for Her
child....

for you


"...for they shall be filled.”
― Jesus