Wednesday, March 27, 2013

"a Phoenix fledgling..."


"A great sanity,
a mighty something
buried in the depths of the unseen,
has wrought a resurrection
among you,
and has leapt into living love.

What is this something,
this phoenix fire,
this pillar by day,
kindling,
guiding,
and guarding
your way?"

- Mary Baker Eddy



I am a
nestling,
a Phoenix,
a sweet
something
emerging,
emerging,
emerging...
never born
and never dying

only self-immolation
and resurrection

self-immolation
and resurrection

self-immolation and
resurrection,
resurrection,
resurrection...

over, and over,

and over
again...
and again..

but, I am ready.

Sometimes it is the
heart that burns,
white hot and
fervent...
smiling,
eager for the resurrection

and sometimes
it is the body...

the body of selfish desires,
the body of spectred dreams,
the body of wants and woes,
sorrows and imaginings

I am not afraid
of the
immolation

bring it on...

but
I
refuse to
live in the vestibule of
in between,
the space
where the ego
still stands
pained
by the
letting go

I welcome the
Phoenix fire,
let it burn
thoroughly,
fervently,
hot and
scrupulously --
an
all-consuming
incineration of
whatever would
keep me from
loving without reason,
unconditionally,
and with abandon


Let its flames engulf
the me,
the my,
the mine
of
success...
and failure,


of what I think I've earned...
and what I'll
never be...


let the veneer,
the scarred paint,
the flash of self
blister and
peel
in the
heat of unselfed
loving...

I am weary of
carrying around
the
not quite
incinerated ashes
of resistance,
the almost immolated shards

of sharpness and arrogance,
the pulverized
still peppered
with bits of bone
and broken incisors,
the bitter fragments of
all
that once
gnashed and gnawed
at the details of
who's to blame,

of he said/she said,
of human choices made,
and what went wrong...

a limboed
state of
regret and pride,
of what we wanted, 

or
what could have been...

I want


no, more! 

I long for,
I ache to know
the
complete
dissolution of
the veiled ego,
the clouded past,
the "what never was"
and is 

no
longer,
and really
shouldn't be...

I can do this,

I know I can

I can walk so fully into the
fire
that there is nothing
left
to carry back out
but the gold,
the silver, 

the whatever is essential, 
eternal, 
what lives beyond and 
never dies

no rust...
no dross...
no smell of fire...
just a sweet nestling me

as pure
as the
"form of the fourth"*

There is no flickering ember of
the past's tinseled
moments of selfish
indulgence and accomplishment,
the genetic grime
of dark alleys
filled with ghosts 

and
sorrows waiting
to pull me down,
down,
down,

and yet
still further
down....

no bits and pieces of
another time,
a former me,
a maybe him,
or "what if her"
left to cling 

to new
downy feathers,
soft and wet
as we
emerge from the
clean, white
ash of
this
God-stoked
Phoenix
pyre.

Just dust and
ash...
fine as silt
to soften the journey
like a powdery
Colorado
snowfall...
just a dusting,
quickly blown away by
Spirit --
Pneuma's 

fresh winds of
I am --

now,
always
now.

yes,
I am!

I am
innocent,
pure,
good,
willing,
open,
eager,
unsullied,
sweet,
gentle,
kind,
new


I am
the I AM
that never was a
"was"
and seeks no promise
of
who
she
will be.
But sings the
sweet silver
song of
I am,
I am,
I am,
I am
all that
the
I AM

that
is
today, 

right now, 
in this moment
of grace...

"here am I, 

send me..."




"It is unity,
the bond of perfectness,
the thousandfold expansion
that will engirdle the world,
— unity,
which unfolds the thought
most within us
into the greater
and better,
the sum of all reality
and good."

~ ibid.



Tuesday, March 5, 2013

"No longer a waif..."


"The ideal of God
is no longer impersonated
as a waif or
wanderer..."

- Mary Baker Eddy



I did not
know where I belonged
or if there was
a place on earth for children
who had broken hearts and
shattered trust

I could not
fathom a place where
those who were
not loved
would feel safe
from the
hands of predators and
the leering
eyes of
those who'd lost a
love for
innocence

I walked close to walls and
never slept,
held my breath during long
nights of ticking clocks
and creaking floors
hoping that
the monsters in the closet
would be too tired
to whisper
secrets worse than
nightmares

until a fragment of
Truth
unlocked the door to
a kingdom
with air so rarified and
pure that
demons cannot breathe
there
and monsters wither
in the light

you do not live in
the world it
promised

you live in the
space where
God and men do
meet,
you live in a kingdom
undivided,
inviolate,
a place where
you can close your eyes
and rest your hopes
upon
His Love...

in this place
there
is
only
peace...

rest sweet
child
rest,
rest,
rest...



"For in Him
we live,
and move,
and have our being.”

~ Paul